One Month

On Oct. 30th, Meliya turned one month old. In one month, she has lived in two different cities. She weighs 9 lbs 4 ounces as of last Thursday. She likes to drink mother's milk and her newest milestone is that she has figured out her days and nights. Let us hope she doesn't revert back to her old schedule though.

She sometimes is a little gassy and really likes to poo, esp. in the morning. She can sleep through white noise, esp. jack hammers next door (neighbors doing renovations) during the day; this is when she does sleep in the daytime. She has a strong set of lungs, so maybe she will be a singer one day.

First Four Weeks

Meliya will be a month old in a day. The time really has gone fast. Sometimes though, when she is crying and not going down for a nap, I struggle with "am I going to make it?" It reminds me of when I was first learning how to drive, and I was having a hard time. I would watch other drivers and think, "wow, so many people know how to drive, why is it so hard for me?" It is funny; these days, when I see an older person on tv, I think, "look, they made it from baby to old person." Yes, I know the logic doesn't make any sense. I guess I should look more at other mothers and think, "hey, they have 2+ kids, and they made it, I can make it too." Right now, all I am thinking is, "why would you want 2+ kids?"

She's Asleep

It is an incredible feeling you get when the baby goes down for a nap. I think, "ok, I have 10 min to 2 hours to do things around the house." Good thing I have been only having small goals (ie. reply to email, blog, eat lunch, read). I gave myself to Monday to do these things (I guess I would have had to eat some more meals in between too), but was able to do it since she has slept for an hour.

Yeah!

Sanity Time

One piece of advice I received from my sister-in-law was that I should take some time for myself. She recommended to take a shower (and since I am not doing the yuezi, I have been partaking) to get some "me" time.

This advice has been invaluable. At night, when the baby is crying, I ask Alvin to just take over for the next 30 minutes, and then I take a shower. In the shower, I can't hear any crying, and am always surprised when I come out and then re-hear the loving noises of my daughter.

Do you have any other good advice to keep the sanity for both mom and dad?

Not Doing the "Yuezi"

In this country, new mothers do the "yuezi." This is a month long time whether the mother and baby must adhere to strict rules. I don't know all the rules, but I have heard some.

1) The mother and baby can not leave the house for one month after the baby is born so no one gets sick.
2) The mother cannot eat/drink any cold things or the mother will get lifelong diarrhea.
3) The mother and baby must wear warm clothes all the time.
4) The mother must drink soups such as chicken, lamb, fish, beef, soup.
5) The mother cannot take a shower and definitely cannot wash her hair.

Well officially I have been outside already about 7 times, I ate ice cream the other day, I am sitting around the house right now without socks, and I really enjoy my shower time.

When I got back to our city, I knew I only had one week before "yuezi" was over. I thought I could endure by not going out, but after two days I got stir-crazy. The whole family took a walk, where we were approached by a women who screamed that this baby is only three weeks old and shouldn't be out of the house. Still, the exit out of the house was much needed.

The sad part is that I heard that although the name officially means "one month," I heard that the proper time is actually 100 days for baby and mom. No way, we would all go crazy.

Getting to Sleep

We're all a little short on sleep these days.

We're new to this parenting thing.  Our friends who are veteran parents probably read our blog posts and think, "Heh heh, maybe they'll figure it out someday."  Our friends who are not parents probably think, "When will these people finally write a post about something other than Meliya already?"

These last 3 weeks have been filled with lots of joyful moments and lots of frustrating ones.  The joyful moments come throughout the day at various times.  The frustrating ones... have usually been sometime between midnight and 3am.  But as much as I've been tired and frustrated in the middle of the night trying to understand why in the world Meliya is crying instead of sleeping, or sleeping instead of eating... when I see her in the morning and watch her wake up and stretch, I tend to forget the frustrations from the night before.

First Two Weeks + 4 Days

It has been two weeks and 4 days, and things are going ok. She nurses very well, and she is gaining weight. She also sleeps very well, except that there is a period of 1-3 hours where she is active/fussy. The last few days, unfortunately, it was in the middle of the night. I am convinced she has her days and nights confused, and so we are trying really hard to give her some wake time during the day. But she seems so sleepy in the daytime.

The first two weeks actually were a surprise to me. I was so focused on reading about breastfeeding, that I didn't think about how we would react to the baby's sleeping and crying. I felt a little numb the first week we got back from the hospital. After two weeks, I felt like I finally snapped out of it. I still don't know the "right" thing to do for each of her reactions, but emotionally I feel a lot better. I am trying to enjoy my moments with Meliya because I know that she will grow up fast.

Meliya's First Starbucks

I'm sure everyone was expecting that this picture (and event) would come about sooner or later.  So, here it is.  Daddy is drinking a vanilla latte.  Baby already finished her beverage of choice just before coming in, so we didn't order her anything.

In the last few days, we've tried to take Meliya out for a short walk each day - just to get us all outside for a change, and to get Meliya some sun.  On Monday, we had to bring Meliya to the hospital, too, to get her weighed and checked by the pediatrician.

And so, Monday was a day of many firsts.  We took Meliya to a tex-mex restaurant.  She saw the peds wing of the hospital for the first time.  She had her first Starbucks experience (well, her first one outside of the womb).  And she rode on a bus for the first time.  Granted, she was asleep in the sling for pretty much all of these first-time events.  But it's alright... when she's old enough, we'll tell her about what a fun outing we had.

Let There Be No Illusions

Meliya has her moments...

Meliya is adorable.  I think she is so cute, especially when she is stretching out her little arms and legs right after waking up and being unwrapped from her swaddling blanket.  She's cute when she has finished eating and I'm burping her, and she's half-asleep but still looking around for something to suck on.  She's cute when she has her 15 minutes of alert time right before sleeping, when her eyes are wide open and she's looking curiously at all the new things around her.

But, let there be no illusions.  Meliya has moments of extreme un-cuteness.  Incredibly, unmistakably, downright un-cuteness.  Parenting has been a blast so far, but maybe about once a day or so I am dealing with my daughter when she looks a lot like she does in the picture above.  Meliya... has got a strong pair of lungs.  This girl can really cry.  She's not a screamer, so it's not high-pitched.  But she can be quite loud.  And quite persistent.  And quite irrational.

Sometimes she works herself into such a frenzy by crying that I'm sure that she's already forgotten the original reason why she started crying in the first place.  Yes, her diaper needed changing, so she cried out.  But, even after I've changed her diaper... she keeps crying!  It takes me 5 more minutes of speaking very calmly (and exercising a lot of patience) to convince my daughter that, if she would just stop crying and take notice for a second, she'd realize that she's got a fresh diaper on now.  It's hard to talk rationally to someone who is yelling in your face.  I can hardly get a word in.

But, for all those moments of un-cuteness, I'm pretty sure that Meliya's cuteness prevails.  The ratio of un-cute to cute is pretty well reflected by the number of un-cute pictures we've posted so far (1) compared with the number of cute pictures we've posted (all the others).  Nonetheless, I needed to make sure that the world got a balanced perspective.  Being Meliya's parents... has its moments.

Hospital Stay

We stayed in the hospital for 5 nights, not including the night we came in for labor. The midwives, nurses, and doctors were great. They pretty much spoke to us in Chinese, but some of them would use English if needed. They also had incentives at this hospital if you give birth there. They gave us a car seat/stroller, a free coupon for a manicure or pedicure, a baby towel, took a family portrait, and a candlelight dinner for the mom and dad during the hospital stay. On our last night, Alvin and I had our candlelight dinner which included steak and sparkling apple cider. We really enjoyed that time together even as I was dressed in a hospital outfit in our delivery room.

They also provided meals for the mother. It was pretty good hospital food, and the best was that they had sushi. Mmm, sushi.

Family Portrait from the Hospital

Grandparents with Meliya

Meliya had the wonderful experience of meeting both sets of grandparents.

Meliya with Alvin's parents:



Meliya with Bethany's parents:



Meliya with both sets:

Labor Days (2/2)

Meliya at 1 Week Old

On Thursday night, we arrived to the hospital at 11:30PM and they hooked me up to a fetal monitor. The monitor said that I was having intense contractions at 2 minutes apart, lasting for a minute and a half or more. The doctor also took one look at my two bump belly and said I had urine retention. That means my bottom bump was a sack of urine just building up. Alvin and I are kicking ourselves for not taking a picture, because although at that time it was completely painful, looking back it was really funny looking. The doctor then announced I was ready to be admitted. First thing I asked them to do was hook me up to a catheter and slowly the bottom bump went away.

So the next step was for the midwife to check how dilated I was. The dilation could range from 0-10cm, 10 cm being fully dilated. Since I didn't think I was ready to be admitted to the hospital because of the contractions, Alvin and I were expecting to be around 3 cm. I remember telling Alvin, if I really am at 3cm and I was in that much pain, then shoot me up with an epidural.

We were shocked when the midwife said, "you are fully dilated, you can start pushing now." Since I was already pushing, I wasn't allowed to have an epidural. But it was ok, since when they told me I was dilated, I no longer felt any pain and felt exhilarated. We pushed for 3 hours, and there were times when the baby's head started poking out. And then, "she got stuck!"

The doctor came in to give me an evaluation. He measured my pelvic bone and then looked at the most recent ultrasound for the head size of the baby. According to the doctor, he was 90% sure that the baby was not going to fit. I had a very small pelvic bone opening. His recommendation was that I have a c-section. Originally, Alvin and I really did not want to have a c-section. It has been a couple months where I pictured my perfect birth plan and it never included a c-section. Some of the reasons included being able to be with the baby right away and having the baby and mom alert right after the birth.

But as the doctor shared the news, I think both of us decided to follow his advice. They gave me a shot of epidural, and then immediately proceeded with the surgery. After an hour, Meliya was born at 6:11am.

I have had some time to think about the c-section and how I feel about everything. In the end, I actually feel like I have had the best of both worlds. I was fully able to experience a vaginal labor up until crowning, and then I was able to have a healthy delivery through a c-section. In the end, although I didn't get to hold the baby right way, it was only 45 minutes after she was born that I was able to hold her and breastfeed her. She and I were both pretty alert right after the birth, and although she was sleepy the next couple days after, but I heard that is normal with newborns.

Later on I found out that because of the small pelvic bone, that was probably the reason that I had urine retention and the reason I had such a prolonged labor. Although it was hard having labor for 5 days, and then finally having a c-section, I am thankful in the end everyone is healthy.

I have to thank Alvin for being a great coach that whole week. He gave me about 70+ back rubs, told me 10+ times I was doing a great job, and even held the tub while I was vomiting while pushing. Thanks Alvin, I love you.

Labor Days (Part 1/2)

The labor story is actually pretty long, well because the labor was pretty long. As I found out later, I was going through a prolonged labor that was a result of my small pelvic opening, which later resulted finally in a Caesarean.

On Sunday, Sept. 23, Day 1 of labor, I started contractions. They were coming at about 5 minutes apart, but only last 30 seconds, and they were not very painful. When the contractions started, we were really excited that today might be the day. By nighttime, the contractions were not increasing so we both went to sleep.

Monday, Day 2 of labor, the contractions continued. Alvin and I woke up and started taking walks. We walked about 2 hours on Day 2 to try to make labor go faster. The contractions were now 7 minutes apart, lasting for a minute, and continuing all day. Yet, by the recommendation of our doctor, we were not supposed to come in until the contractions were 5 minutes apart, lasting for a minute, continuous for more than an hour.

Tuesday, Day 3, the contractions continued. On this day we walked for 3 hours, but there was not much of an increase.

Wednesday, Day 4, the contractions continued. We went to the hospital to do something, and so we ended up having them hook me up to a fetal monitor. According to the doctor, some of the contractions were very strong, and some of them were just ok. Disappointingly, we went home. That day, I tried not to think about the contractions. I almost felt like if I ignored them, they didn't hurt. All of this positive thinking changed that night. That night the contractions got really intense. Yet, I didn't believe that it was enough to get admitted in the hospital. I was still counting at about 7 minutes apart, but the pain was starting to get very intense. Before, when I would have contractions, a shower would help ease the pain. Soon a shower didn't help, and I also started noticing that I couldn't pee. I actually couldn't pee very well since Day 1 of labor, but by Day 4, nothing came out all day, and I had extreme back pain. It even hurt to sit. Yet, since the contractions were still far apart, we stayed home.

On Thursday, Day 5, the pain became intense. I could hardly walk. That night, even sitting on my bum hurt. So for four hours, I sat in "Child's pose" doing breathing exercises. I told myself not to move at all, because every time I moved, I would want to pee which I couldn't do because of the pain. The contractions were still about 7 minutes apart, lasting for 1 minute and a half, and they were very intense. I wasn't sure we should go to the hospital, but when I went to the bathroom, I asked Alvin to come in too, and after he saw how much pain it was for me to try to pee, we decided to go to the hospital. There also was this weird phenomenon. My pregnant belly started looking like a huge kidney bean. Instead of one big belly, I had a bump on top, another bump on the bottom and a dip in between. We weren't sure what was happening, so we packed up and went to the hospital.

(story continues tomorrow)

My Girls

One of the most frequent comments we've received - from friends, family, nurses - is just how much hair Meliya has right at birth. Yeah, I guess it is quite a bit of hair. We're just leaving it, though, to do its own mohawk thing. And we think her head might be a bit big too... every little hat we put on her seems to shoot off the top of her head within a few minutes.

I shot this picture earlier today during one of Meliya's 10-minute alert times. She enjoyed lying next to mommy just to watch her.

Meliya Comes to China

And so... we are parents. Our baby girl, Meliya (rhymes with Maria), was born on Friday morning. The doctors say that everything looks good, for her and for Bethany. We're thankful that everyone is healthy and well.

Our parenting journey now begins. The last 60 hours have been about learning rhythms. For these first few weeks, it seems that daily (and nightly) life for us will be viewed in terms of 2.5 hour blocks - sleeping, waking, feeding, changing. This has been tiring for us so far, of course, because it's all so new. But not overwhelming or discouraging, and for that we are also thankful.

So far, Meliya has been absolutely adorable. She doesn't open her eyes much, except for maybe 10 minutes of alert time near the end of each 2.5 hour cycle. These precious few minutes give us some time to interact with her, study her, and just look at her in wonder.