Weighed Down

I do not know what to blog about today. So I will blog about how I feel. Why? Because I rarely care about or talk about how I feel, so maybe it's healthy for me to do so. And, because today I feel differently than I do on most days.

Today, I feel... weighed down.

Some of the things weighing me down are the things that people around me are going through. Interpersonal relationships. Insecurities. Suffering. Pain. I think that, usually, I can listen and be there for people, and help to carry their burdens, and not feel too weighed down myself. Today's feeling is... rare. Maybe by tomorrow it will pass.

Some of the things weighing me down are the things we will be going through in the next few months. And there will be a lot. Packing up. Moving. Saying goodbyes. Tying up loose ends. And all this, while I'm still trying to put in a certain number of hours each week as an independent web programmer. Maybe it's stress, or uncertainty, or even fear. I guess I'm still processing.

And then, some of the things weighing me down are completely internal to me. Things like... how can I be better? Not just do things better. But actually be better. Like... be a better husband. Be a better brother. Be a better son. Be a better friend. And ultimately, be a better follower of chrst. This weighs me down too.

My typical response on these rare days when I feel weighed down is to list out what needs to be done, and then just have at it. Start doing stuff. Get things done. But tonight, I am going to try something different. Maybe tonight, I will be still. Quiet myself. Stop. Listen. Read. Pr'y.

So that's how I feel today. Rare, don't you think? Not quite... my usual. But there's nothing wrong with that.

This has been a good session. I think we've accomplished a lot in our time together today.